The Olympics or How I Spent My Weekend.

I am not going to lie. I got very little sleep over this past weekend because I have been sucked in by the Olympics.  There was also this little cold I picked up that made breathing, well, difficult, but we will ignore that fact for the sake of this story and blame my insomnia on the Olympics.

I missed the first two nights.  I didn’t see the spectacle that was the opening ceremonies on Friday.  From the highlights that I saw, I think I would have liked the drones. I picked up on the coverage late Saturday afternoon, but only saw a little bit of the action as I had to leave for a get together with friends.

When I arrived back home, I turned on the Olympics and, boom, I was hooked.  I wasn’t watching the skating on NBC, but I tuned into NBCSN on my computer so I could watch in bed and fall asleep to the boring sport of curling.  Yep, the good old boring sport of curling.  The one that combines ice, bowling, shuffle board and pool.  Well, forget the boring part.  I was hooked and enthralled.  Not was it only all of the above, but it was mixed curling meaning that there was a male and female partnered on a team.  Brilliant.

42 pounds of thunder

So now we have the chess match that is ice, bowling, shuffle board and pool coupled with…couples.  Not as in married couples, although there were brothers and sisters, but just two paired together.  Now, mix in the high pressure that is inherent in competing in the Olympics and you have better drama than any reality show.

In curling, they have brooms in order to sweep the ice to effect the stone on its path and length.  So you have one person on the team telling the other player to sweep “harder” or not at all.  All the while, the players are miked up for the crowd to hear and the add in the tension from the competition.  As you can imagine, not all was well with the competing partners.  Since they were speaking languages I could not understand, I had to interpret the conversations the best I could.  This is what I came up with.

Female:  I thought we agreed you would curl that stone left to take out that other stone!!

Male:  I gave it my best shot, I thought the ice was faster.

Female:  I told you to throw harder, but did you listen…no!!!

Male:  We are on ice, how could I have thrown it harder???

Female:  Thought you had more in you.

Male:  I thought I told you to sweep the damn ice harder!

At this point we take a commercial break (of which there are many), and leave it to the audience’s imagination of just where that next 42 pound stone will be placed.

Yes, this is no lie.  I really was thinking this while watching the couples perform.

My next thing I watched was the luge.  I watched the men’s single live and it was very exciting.  But what crazy people!!  Who thought this stuff up?  It had to be a bunch of guys sitting around drinking one day during the winter, since all the farming chores were probably done, yes, probably.  Anyway, one brilliant guy says to the rest, “Hey, lets build an ice hill, grab a board, put a couple of runners on it and slide down this ice hill at 80 mph!!”  The rest of the guys look at each other, grab another beer and yell “Dilly Dilly” while running for the hill.  The rest is history.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I was looking forward to the ice skating because, well, I only watch it every four years so I tend to forget why I don’t watch it.

I will tell you it was not because of the looks of Johnny Weir or the outfits some of the skaters had on, though, I must admit, I was scratching my head a bit.  Mr. Weir looked like he was straight out of the movie “The Hunger Games” with his hair-do.  I did do a “YIKES!” when I first saw him.  But I later saw a commercial with him mocking himself and I did like his commentary on the skating.  Not that I understood a single thing he said or did I understand how this damn sport is scored.

I back my claim by this.  How in the hell does the one guy who falls twice during his performance, win?  Even the commentators were at a loss to explain.  They fawned over the excellence of the American skater, yet he scored low and he didn’t fall.  Next up was the Canadian skater, he fell twice and won the event.  So at that point, I was done and went to bed. I fired up the computer and only had commercials to watch with a few snowboarders thrown in order to fill in the time between commercials.

So as I went back to work this morning, bleary eyed and weary, I realized there was something missing from this edition of the winter Olympics.  The one thing that made 2014 in Sochi so real.

It is Bob Costas and his pink eyes.

But His EYES!

I felt so bad for him during the last Olympics, but damn, how easy it was to make fun of him.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Mr. Costas and his work.  But that was just good stuff.  I tuned in just to see how he was recovering.

Bottom line.  I know we are just getting started and I may need to take a break and get some sleep some nights, but you can count on me watching and injecting my own warped sense of humor into  this great show.