So there I was, minding my own business. When suddenly, they realized I was a biker. You know, a cyclist. One of those “people” Uh oh, another awkward moment.
You see, this happens to me all the time. I have been riding a bicycle on the road for over ten years now, and every time this comes up in a “normal” conversation, well, it normally turns ugly for me.
The latest time this came up was on Easter Sunday. I was enjoying a meal with my family when my brother-in-law brought up those damn bikers. His son, my nephew, quickly chimed in that he too recently had a run in with a group of unruly bikers.
They both turned to me with that questioning tone and begin to pepper me with questions on why “we” bikers act like we do.
First of all, I am sure they have reason to complain. I am sure there are “bikers” that are a pain in the butt to others. My complaint is that at this moment, they are lumping us all together and are now taking the hostile fillings for what ever transgression they were facing upon me, since I am a biker.
Now it has been my experience that the only damage done to people in cars or trucks that a person on a bike can do is slow said vehicle down to a mind numbing speed of ten miles an hour and hold said driver and occupants of said vehicle up for a maximum of maybe 5-10 minutes. Normally, it is about thirty seconds. But it is in this time frame, that the bikers are compared to nothing short of the biggest, meanest, person on the entire Earth. How dare we hold a an American driver and his/her car up? The travesty of it all!
And to hear my relatives tell the tale, it was like I was with the damn bikers that they were talking about. I mean, how dare they have the radicalism to ride side by side, forcing the car to pass them…ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!! OH the inhumanity!!!
Bastards.
So they look at me with hope in their eyes, wishing I can explain to them why, WHY, people on bicycles act this way, since I am one of them and we obviously have a cult to take over the world and we all know each other.
The first thing I say is, “Why did I get that beer can thrown at my head?” Or, “Why did my friend get pelted with lit cigarettes?” Or, ” Why did an acquaintance just die when he get hit by a car?”
And they look at you like you are Satan or something. Like it is my fault these things happen. God forbid anything gets int he way a motorized vehicle. God forbid.
And do not forget, everyone that rides bikes know each other. We are all a cult that is trying to take over the world. Damn, I said it out loud.
All I need was a little drink…
